Grief is a crazy trip.
It’s something that never really goes away, it just settles in the cracks like dust. The slightest movement, thought, smell or feeling can stir it up. If stirred up enough, it can become a fog.
After our daughter departed for Heaven, grief came over me in waves. Some were small, some were large. To this day, ten years later I have a literal phone anxiety issue. Not everyone understands this. If you do, or if you suffer from the same issue, I would love to hear from you. I can text, email, chat in person, you name it, but phone calls STRESS ME OUT. Now, if I am 100% certain of the mental state or attitude of the person on the other end of the line, I can do it, just fine. But– if there is the slightest question of there being bad news, sadness, unpredictability I can’t handle it.
The ringing of the phone and an unscheduled phone call is worse. If I can schedule the call, like “Hey, would you like to chat later today at 5?” It’s ok. If someone calls me out of the blue at a random time and the ring cuts through the silence…. I might panic. My heart races, I sweat, it’s anxiety time!
I think people have the wrong idea about me, I think they feel snubbed if I don’t call. I try to explain, but that’s a difficult thing to understand for other people who don’t experience it themselves. They might think I’m making it up, or should be able to just overcome it myself by staying calm.
You’ve overstayed your welcome, but I understand you are pretty proportionate to the amount I loved someone so I get it.